I'm busy working on my blog posts. Watch this space!
If It was your leg broken, now replace leg with coccyx.
October 7, 2017
I have kept quiet and its cost me everything. . im sick of the lies!!!! Im sick of this torture & im over people who say they'll help but keep lying!!! I fight to keep who i was. Everyone, every system is failing me seeming to enjoy what I'm going through. .
I had to speak with lawyers today where i was asked why. . . Why has this happened?. . I believe its because we have an absolutely destroyed medical system. . . There's no accountability & this is why ego, greed, laziness, & people who SHOULD NOT, I repeat SHOULD NOT; be in a lifestyle working with vulnerable, sick, young and elderly people . .yet they do. . .I've asked for help & I know that I am not the only one suffering!!
But what do you do the system sends you in these years long referral loops making you believe you'll get help; meanwhile knowing that you have 3 years to lodge a court claim in QLD. So they just bide their time putting you in constant referral loops; each taking a minimum of 2 months to see the doctor. . destroying our lives so that they can get away scott free while you TRUSTED they'd help. . . Until you have experienced this level of abuse, neglect, bullying & totally destruction do not tell patients speaking out "what a load of crap!!". Because it's hard enough fighting the system & struggling day to day just existing. . until it happens to you, you'll never, ever know this TORTURE AND HELL. . I pray you never do. .
To give an example though. . . who hasnt broken a bone?.
Now imagine going to hospital & being told go home . . .
How would you cope? How would you heal? You go home as directed with pills.
If it's your leg how do you do the most basic of human needs?, like cooking, showering etc. Well your leg is broken how well & long will you stand to have a shower? before you break out in tears, in pain, in sweats. Now dress yourself . . you find only night gowns to be comfortable as your bodies screams at you. . . You are so exhausted you may have just done a 5 hour marathon Now hobble back to bed.. . How will you get into bed? With the pain you feel . . how can you find the sheer energy to lift your leg onto the bed?. . .
Now don't forget food . . . Even sandwiches. You have to obtain all the ingredients, shut doors, open cupboards and walk back with them. . while your leg is broken. . You stand there buttering, you're looking like you're in a shower. . Your temper becomes very short, your breathes destressed & fast. . The pain climbing and climbing and climbing. . . Now put on your meat or jam, now the top bread. Hang on you'll need a drink! by now the pain is screaming, screaming, screaming!!!!. . But you need that drink for your pills. . Now you have to carry yourself, food and drink back to bed. . .
On your way back you accidentally kick your broken leg as you can't feel sensation properly therefore judging gaps is extremely hard. . . Now you have extra pain!. You get back breatheless. . , sweating. . , tears rolling down your face . . .
& you forgot the tv remote. . .you pull yourself up & out; you grab the remote . . out of habit you lean back on your broken leg . . great!!. . . Now you have to have pills. . Wait! you need food or milk first so the pills don't destroy your gut in the long run . . . But the pain the screaming, torturing, pain. .
You don't want to eat. You're not hungry , you must though!. . Struggling to swollow the food . . you cry & struggle for the glass. . Washing down the food you take your pills. .
Now you must sleep lets say you were a tummy sleeper. . . Well that wont work anymore. . you lay on your back as you go in & out of very broken, very light sleep; your body finally gets soo run down you get. . . sleeper . . and sleeper. . . Finally now at REM sleep! (cellular repair sleep stage.)
You start to dream. . but this dream is a horror movie! You're being chased by a horror clown! !. . he's got a hack saw and tackles you . . You begin to quicken your breath . . .fear of the coming pain. . and just as the saw begins chopping off your leg! . . .
You awake in screaming, terrifying and in so much pain, your bed in a sweated state!. . You look down to see you're leg positioning is left. . . you begin to panic!!! . . . Omg its sideways!!!. . . omg . . . omg . . . what do you do!!??. . You can see bone leaning on your skin!!!!. . . Omg. . You rush BACK into hospital petrified, tired, anxious & in absolutely agony!! & what do they say. . ..
The Doctor walks in & says your scans are terrible & starts to tell you, that, while terrible you're still not there for them to help you.. . Not quite there for medical treatment!!??. . .
WTF ARE YOU SERIOUS? ?? . . FF####KK!!! You scream inside yourself!!. .
You are now thinking about how hard just this one day was. . . You re-live that pain while still in pain. . You begin to cry. . begging for them to get involved. . . . Please. . . Please . . Please help. . Don't leave me like this!!! How do I heal without care,? . . . How do I go to work? How do I run my home!? .
Sheer panic sets in. . . your in so much pain . . . .every doctor & nurse bumping your bed makes your broken leg wobble about hurting you so much. . . They offer only pills & say go home!!! . . You refuse getting another to speak with. . Oops too late . . the first doctor is talking with the second . .
You sit in this moment. . looking at yourself, as if, a third person from outside in. . you see your leg bent into a L shape & sideways!! You know that you SERIOUSLY NEED HELP!! You know they can do something & now absolutely exhausted, in screaming pain & frightened beyond belief. . You wait. . .
You wait . . .
.. F**k it seems like forever. . .
.... Still wait. .
Waiting this long you begin to think surely their planning a big helpful plan. .
Finally he walks over, where his first words are "I've been talking with my colleague." . (Keyword!) He has recognised this neglectful doctor as his "buddy" . . Next keyword. "He and i know you are emotional." . Meaning we see you have cause to be upset, but, we're now from this moment on; labeling you as a overly emotionally & unnecessary emotional patient . . & therefore can blame poor communication back to you. . . . This is going to follow you forever. . You just don't know it yet. . . He tells you that he agrees with the treatment given & to go home .
Go home and learn to live with this
.. .. Go home and learn to live with this
.. .. Go home. . . and learn to live with this!!! It is constantly on repeat in your head . .
Honestly pause. . . . .
.... .... .... and . . . .... ..... .... ....
reflect . . . .... ...... ..... ....
if this was you. . If you were told go home in such a horrific state . . .... .... .... ... .... Is your stomach knotting up? ... .... .... ... ..... .... .... Are you wanting to throw up? ... .... ...... .... ....
Are you thinking about your unforfilled responsibilities? ... .... .... ... ...
How will you care for your family? ... .... .... .... ....
How will you go to work? ... .... .... .... .... ....
In a moment. . . .... .... .... Your world shatters, . . . Literally before you. .. . This right here. . is the moment . . This is what people mean, when they say "The Earth gives out from under your feet". . This e . x. .a. .c. . t m. .o. .m. .e. .n. . t ................life as you knew it was ripped from you . . ... .... .. .
OR . . .
.... COULD BE GIVEN BACK . .
If only the ones who could help. . . WOULD. . . If only. . .
You hear this in such a level, in a way. . . And you know from this moment that you are ALONE! & Get angry; so you use this anger smartly, contacting the internal hospital "fail safes". And the lawyers & the MP's & the media (TV and Radio)
The hospital writes back . . that you have received the best possible treatment & blame it back on you . . finding whatever they can to put the blame on your feet. . You know this is wrong. . . Every fiber of your being is screaming THIS IS ABUSE AND NEGLECT. .
The lawyers say yes we'll help & nothing happens. .
You get no answers from any media . .
And the MP's in charge of Health Departments play the blind man game. .
You call up your family & dearest friends explaining the hell your in. . Out of desperation you hope to hear " yes this is wrong!". & they don't believe you. .
They don't believe you. . .
They don't believe this can happen. .
You cry & try to help them understand as they are surely going to see what you see & say that this is wrong!.
Slowly. . A few begin to step up & listen they can offer no advice however. . . as what they suggest has been done already . . Sometimes 3 to 6 tries & fails over. . . Each blow makes you feel disempowered, less of a person, less of a human & more as a object. With no rights. .
You begin to believe that no one cares. . No one wants too or chooses too, see. . as its less confronting. . . Less guilty. . . You have lost & continue to loose your freedoms. . . Every light, . . joy & . . happiness stretched out thinner & thinner. . . As you begin to forget the smile. . to laugh. . You watch everyone around you live & while you are happy for them . . . They seem to have turned a half blind eye to your pain & the now desperate situation your in. . .
You reach out, or they reach out. . they ask the same generic, non thinking questions . .
How is your day? What will you be doing this weekend? Hows the family? Hows work go. . . I. .n . . . They actually catch themselves on this one & begin speaking to fill the awkward gap. . . Soon they realise that your life has literally stop. . . & the phones calls become more about them . . As nothing has changed for you. . The emotional pain breaks you. .
Most though finally stop calling. . Stop Visiting . . . You become a shadow of who you were . . Just like the "help & treatment you received "
Thankfully a handful stay . . And become the most important, very extremely limited support you need. .
All the while . . each day. . . every single day you are at home. . Locked up worse then a prisoner. . . struggling with a broken L shaped leg thats sideways!!
As you get left. .
and days turn into weeks. . .
Weeks into months. . .
Months into years. .
You loose early on the right to shower by yourself. . You can't prepare , cook, or carry your food & drinks alone, or do household chores. No driving. No walks out no nothing .. . . Then the more serious losses begin to happen. . Work, financial security, Christmas, Easter, Birthdays, the weekends, homes, cars and so on. . . All gone or a SHELL OF WHAT THEY USED TO BE. . .
Just like you. . .
But you still keep fighting, you write to every media company. They leave ignore your requests . . . And you. .
Still You fight this. . and still keep trying to do the most basic freedoms. . You choose to wake up and try , You fight on a highly stressed & extremely empty tank (physically, emotionally and mentally)
You push yourself . .as you watch your family breakdown in front of you . . as they see you drenched in sweat, crippled and in the most excruciating pain . . . At this point you see one of two options left . . . . .suicide. . .or keep going. . . praying, begging, pleading for the system to see the monumentous hell, suffering, abuse and neglect they've put you & your family through, to see "the error of their ways" . . & finally do the right thing by you, fly you interstate for help. .
If only. .
While my leg hasn't been broken. I do have the most painful condition in the world; in my leg & my brake is in my coccyx forcing me to brake it to open my bowels. . . This does ring true for me in a lot of ways going back over these 5 years in total. . .causing enormous suffering and loss. . Unimaginable by most. . But still very much real . . .
So please don't shoot us down, when we're already been kicked to the ground . As it took a hell of a lot of non existing energy & courage to stand up & speak out against mine / our bullies. So just listen with a open heart & mind. . Listen with understanding. . And maybe we can start to mend ourselves, our families, our communities and our health care system. .
Much Love too all
Share on Facebook
Share on Twitter
I'm busy working on my blog posts. Watch this space!